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Pretty & Witty & GAY
2002-07-18 // 10:31 a.m.
MY LIFE AS A SONG....
I feel pretty & witty & �.ga.GAY?
----Natalie Wood...work with me people, hasn't anyone seen West Side Story..
Last night I went to Alfredo�s for din din (love that place) with a good friend of mine from DC. She now lives in Atlanta with her hubby and two kids. I just think about how different our lives are now from when we were both 23 working together at the group home in DC. I know this is so hard to believe� but man did we party. We had a different bar for each night and did plentio shot of the stoli, and as she reminded me last night ..make it a double! . but as we were talking about the things going on in our lives now, our families, etc.. I mentioned to her about my sisters giving me grief when I go home cause I�m trying to squeeze everyone in.. (I�m quite popular, I�m sure you all already know :) I�m saying, I try and see Paula, and Meg.. she said �who�s Meg� I said �Meg.. I dated Meg from home� she said with a silly grin �AFTER ME?? (mind you, she aint gay) I think my chin dropped.. I was like huh?? Smiled and went on with my story.
Now let me explain what she was probably talking about. Know people, that I didn�t come out until the ripe old age of 27, and earlier I told you we hung out at the wee age of 23-24-25.. so what in the world could she have meant.. well trust me I guess I know what she meant. That brought me to think about the whole process of when and how we �COME OUT� because looking back to some of my relationship with �friends� I question was it more, and I just didn�t know what it was! Actually, this is a common theme with us gay folk especailly women.. We all say how we would get attached to our friends, cared if they called, (or not), you get the point. I remember when I came out to Joanne she said, �Kimi don�t you remember me telling you I think you have some things to work out� I said �you did?� Funny how other people can pick up on it sometimes even before we do! I remember my sister asking me in high school if I was gay.. �Lisa, I can�t believe you would say that!!� what was she thinking?, Just because I (thought) I liked a guy, that is until he liked me, and wanted to touch me of course! Then nope me no like them anymore.. but hey that didn�t neccessarly mean I was gay�DID IT?
So back to last night, we started discussing my �To Sir with Love� blog from yesterday and wondering where some of the kids we worked with were now, and just the whole perdetermined, and fate kinda stuff. And I asked.. I wonder if I was still living at home in DC would I, 8 years later, still be suppressing who I really am..Oh goodness wouldn�t that be a travesty � I wasn�t around any gay people in DC.. Well, I take that back, a girl I worked with came out to me about 2 weeks before I moved.. hmm and if my memory serves me, I do recall hangin out with her more in those two weeks than ever before.. and wouldn�t ya know it . a life decision had me move to the A.T.L and in just four short months, surprise, surprise�.
�I�m comin out.. want to world to know, got to let it show !
But in all seriousness, it does sadden me knowing all the people out there who have not come out yet just because of plain ole fear! Fear of judgement, fear of losing their job, fear of isolation from family, and even fear of themselves. Accepting the differences in them, that although everyone may not agree, the difference that makes US special! I wouldn�t change a thing.. my biological family is wonderful, but I am also so very lucky to have such a great group of core friends who have become a type of family to me that I don�t think I would have in any other lifestyle� that my friends is just my opinion!