Comments:

D'lish - 2002-09-20 12:27:51
Your courage and honesty speak volumes of your integrity. That, in itself, will let your soul live freely and your nights full of rest. You've asked for acceptance over understanding- which is Fair. But more importantly, what is truely fair, is that YOU ACCEPT her decision. I'm sorry to hear of her choice - as it's hurtful. But,you can only do what you control... and that is surround yourself with a family that knows, cares and loves everything about you! AND YOU DO! We love you.
-------------------------------
laura - 2002-09-20 13:08:11
Dale is right - your mother's reaction is beyond your control. But you made the effort - your mind should be at ease. When I was reading, I was hoping she would have reacted positively....I'm sorry : ( You're a good girl Ms. DeSarno...don't get down about it
-------------------------------
Meg - 2002-09-20 13:22:06
Hey girl, I commend you on your attempt to introduce Brandi to your mom. I know how important your mother is to you. Even though we get older and mature, we still search for acceptance from our parents, as much as we hate to admit it. My battle with my parents has not involved the church, but rather that this is my "choice". Over the last 3 months, they have really started to come to terms and things are improving. Like you, this has been years in the works. My parents had gotten to the point where they found out that Becky and I were doing things with all other members of my family but them. I think they finally realized that if they continued to push me away, I won't change my mind (as much as they think I could) but rather I will go through life without them. That is their choice, of course, because I would love nothing more than to have them in my life. But I will no longer compromise my happiness. I had to sit down and talk with my mother and let her know that I DID want to have kids and that a lot of the things that "straight" people do, gay men and women do to. My parents wanted to come and see my new house and I made it clear that I would not ask Bec to leave when they got there, nor would I pretend like we were not fixing up the house together. They finally came around and met her. It was a step in the right direction and hopefully things will only improve. Hang in there, girl. I know this has been tough but you are strong! Miss you!
-------------------------------
Brandi - 2002-09-20 13:57:30
Dale and Laura are right....it is beyond your control....but I know how much it hurts you, and for that, I'm sorry. It doesn't mean she loves you any less....she just doesn't condone it. And I certainly don't take it personally that she does not want to meet me. You are FAR more bold than I am with my family....although I'm not afraid to bring you and my friends around my parents, I do not discuss my day to day happenings with my mom and dad the way that I used to. It has definitely changed our relationship. I used to talk to my mom every day, if not twice a day on the phone. Now, I'd guess I speak to her twice a week. And it's usually about perfunctory things...not about ME. Or if it is about ME, it's about my job or my house...but nothing too personal. As with all taboo issues in my family, it's swept under the dysfunctional family rug that we all trip over every day. But I still love them all the same....it just IS what it IS...I can't change it. Oh, and by the way, as I've said before, I will be MORE than happy to hang out at Starbucks or where ever while you go visit with your mom. PLEASE at least go see her when we go up there.....you never know when it will be too late. If you don't, you may have won the battle but you have lost the war. (or something like that)
-------------------------------
Scott - 2002-09-20 14:29:28
Hey baby, Like eveyone else has said, I commend you on what you have done and how far you have come. My Mom is similar though her disapproval doesn't come from religion it comes from not knowing or not wanting to know the lifestyle. It is easier for her right now not to face it. She says it's o.k. with her but it is definitely something I can not bring up around her. I think you should do what you heart tells you to do wheather it be to keep after her or move on. I know you have given her a lot of time to deal with things but who's to say how much time is enough time. Just be happy and know that you have a LOT of people that do care about you and LOVE you.
-------------------------------
SHAW - 2002-09-20 14:39:10
I guess I sit in your shoes probably the most..... I havent come out to my mother due to her devout catholic faith.. I guess I am slowly moving her into the community and waiting for that right moment.... I totally understand your situation and one day even though the church may not accept you will always be her flesh and blood.........One day and remember you have all your friends who love and care about you and you obviously have a partner who shares all the joy and love with you...........
-------------------------------
Lil Kim - 2002-09-20 14:49:45
Thanks for all your comments and emails!! I am indeed grateful to have all of you in my life!
-------------------------------
ca - 2002-09-20 15:26:30
Girl, I know this can be very dishearting. We all search for our mothers love and approval. But don't let your pride come in the way of your love of your mother. Yes, it does suck that she will not see Brandi;but don't loose this battle by shutting your mother out of your life. What does that prove, its about the opposite of what your saying in this email. We all know being gay isn't easy sometimes and there are people who's family simply disown them. So no your situation isnt' perfect, but at least you do have some relationship with her. Though you guys don't understand each other, keep hoping for the day that may happen. And if it never does, at least you were able to live your life with your mother apart of some of it. As much as I love you as I a friend and as much as our group means to each other, family is family and they too deserve understanding and patients as wells.
-------------------------------
linda - 2002-09-20 21:03:36
I think ca is right but your mom is also making conditions on her love. Keep trying I bet one day she will come around.
-------------------------------
Liz - 2002-09-20 23:39:44
Hey girl. Coming out to my mother is like setting a time and place of when I will be executed. She has a picture perfect idea of how my life is supposed to be. So, do i not only destroy her committment to my life, but as well, the committment she has made to God saying that I'm a homosexual. Homoexuality to her (my mother)is a damnable sin. So with this idea, do I even approach my mother at this point. Hell no. I will wait as long as I can. When I'm ready, I can help them be ready. But it does need to happen in life. When we shy away from these challenges, we're just showing that we may have apprehensions about them as well. No, girl, move forward. Accept what you have to and you and Brandi move on with your lives together. Realizing your great love for each other. And your family is here, with us. We'd all support you through anything. We all love you, forever. Do what you can, remember all of us and that no matter what, we love you. The one thing my mother never said to me," I love you no matter what." that I wish she would have. Good luck Kimi and we love you.
-------------------------------
douglas - 2002-09-21 12:21:33
baby giiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl. . . as the other half of the DESARNO 10% crew, i get it. my mother's family (that's you guyz) were fantastic about it. my dad's family, with their bible- banging way of life, cannot get their heads around it. kimi, it may not be what you want to hear, but your mother is lost. she missed out on something in life and is trying to fill that spot. maybe she loved your dad her whole life long, but knew that it wouldn't work. maybe there is a reason that she never remarried. here's the thing chica. . . i know that she loved you guys. (thinking about dance class photos SHE DOES LOVE YOU. she always will. she has found her panacea in religion. same with my dad. life passed us by and it is too late for a lot of what he wanted out of life. and yes, you are right. she does hurt everyday, but not just about you. she hurts because she chooses too. kimi, the love of my life wasting away in front of my eyes. i have decided to see what is right about this. what is wrong with the picture is no more powerful than what is right. in fact, it is less so. i feel terrible pity for a woman that misses out on the COMPLETE love of her family and their sig. others for the sake of what peace is found in the arms of the church. should lisa have stayed unmarried her whole life? should you? by doing that, you'd have the same life that has brought your mom to god in such a black and white, despirate way. would she wish upon you the same loneliness? ( hard to imagine with 3 crazy ass kids like ya'll, BUT. . .) you owe no debt for the love your mother gave you but to love her back. it's clear you do. and HONESTLY - can a woman that was married to DANNY DESARNO be soooooooo shocked by a devorced woman getting remarried or a lesbian??? much love cuz!!!!! dungle
-------------------------------

add your comment:

your name:
your email:
your url:

back to the entry - Diaryland